Harmonizing Siblings

HARMONIZING SIBLINGS

The earlier we can have our children harmonizing together, it will be easier for them to harmonize together as they get older within our family. They might go their own ways when they move out and on their own, BUT they’ll have the skills of mastering harmonizing that will help them raise their children in the same harmonizing environment.

I’ll be using my personal example in raising my three children by myself as a single parent. You’ll be able to modify it accordingly to how many children you have.

After a season of watching my three childrens’: infighting, breaking things, pouting, and wandering off to do their “own” thing. I thought… hmm. This is getting old and I’m not doing this anymore. Discipline and forcing a child to do something is temporary. It might be a quick fix; but consistently doing that, the child will end up shutting down. Possibly permanently.

The first thing that echoes in my ears is… That Child NEEDS the D word. Disciple.

My response to that is the N-word. NOPE.

I grew up in the late 1960s and early 1970s. My dad could take off his REAL leather belt, lift me up in the air with one hand, and start whipping my butt like I was on a Merry-Go-Round Pinata Ride. ALL within 1 minute from when my mom GIVING my dad THAT LOOK…WHIP HIS @ss! 😢 Even though it appeared mom fixed her immediate problem; it DIDN’T MAKE me and my sibling closer.

In fact, we grew further apart. NOTE: More Wisdom I learned from my Dad HERE.

NOT GOING TO FORCE MY CHILDREN TO RELIVE MY CHILDHOOD. PERIOD.

This is the main reason why I tried this strategy and had TONS of Success with it.

This Strategy’s Core is to Create a Routine for the Child to Learn how to harness; mastering how to harmonize their relationships with their siblings, within the different family settings.

When the child is “disciplined” it doesn’t help them to see how to harmonize their relationships. They need to see and experience the ACTUAL working examples; that produce positive results. The positive results WILL Encourage them to master this skill…more

QUICKLY!

OK. Without Further Due…

I introduced this new strategy on a Sunday, so they could start thinking about what they wanted to do this coming week… I said to my first daughter your days will be Monday and Thursday. To my second daughter, you will have Tuesday and Friday. And to my son, you will have Wednesday and Saturday. Sunday will be Family Day. On your days you will be able to choose what we do for play time as a family.

Their eyes began to light up like a million-watt light bulb, thinking about what they wanted to do. Their initial response back, expressed on their faces as I was talking about this new strategy was priceless. It was like a verification this was going to be a successful strategy (looking back).

Monday: My first daughter was all Bubbly and excited it’s her day. The other two were reserved but knew their day was up next.

Tuesday: My second daughter was all Bubbly and now feeling more at ease because it’s her day now. My first daughter was more relaxed just experiencing leading family playtime the day before. My son who was born naturally relaxed but was still reserved in leading. He’s absorbing these two soft intro days, in watching his siblings on how to lead family playtime.

Wednesday: My son was a tad apprehensive. But was watching his siblings, for last two days on leading the family in playtime. Once he got into the family playtime, he was all in.

Thursday: My first daughter’s second day. She’s more confident. My second daughter and my son are more relaxed and getting into family playtime more.

Friday: My second daughter’s second day. She’s more confident. My first daughter and my son more relaxed and getting into family playtime more.

Saturday: My son’s second day and having the previous five days of watching and interacting with his siblings was all in mow. My first and second daughters were all in as well.

Sunday: Family Playtime day, my children took a break from choosing what we do for playtime. I choose something different than what they were choosing during the week. I choose something that would be like a pat on the back for them learning how to harmonize with their siblings.

WEEK TWO: Having the previous week’s experience on leading the family in family playtime, my children were now embracing the routine.

NOTE 1: These were the Highlights of this Strategy’s first week implementation. At times I had to do the following below in NOTE 2.

NOTE 2: If and when there was any sensitive or tension moments during family time. I would Accordingly BE Sensitive enough to step in and compassionately guide them into a peaceful solution, distract and or do something funny to protect the environment of having a good family playtime.

EXTRA NOTE: How did I choose their days and in what order? I kept it simple. Oldest to the youngest. Based on the oldest usually having attained more skills than the youngest. The youngest will be able to watch what their oldest sibling is doing. The best way to teach is allowing someone to watch. This becomes the perfect setting; in letting a child teach another child – while they’re both learning together.

Thus the catalyst for the Child to Master Harmonizing with Their Siblings.

AFTER A FEW WEEKS of Seeing How My Children were LEARNING How to HARNESS HARMONIZING with Their Siblings. It was PRICELESS!!

Once my children were embracing the routine of sharing days, then we upped it to letting them choose what fast food restaurant we were going to that day. Back in those days; inflation was low and moving slow, so it was inexpensive to go. AND convenient for me.

That didn’t last too long.

They were doing such a great job in harnessing how to harmonize with their siblings, some days we didn’t go to a fast food restaurant for dinner. Quick Plug: My second daughter loved to help me cook dinner, bake cakes, cookies etc.; I thought it best to let her harness that skill in cooking meals for our family. Eating out was reduced to; only going to make a busy day less busier…

We’re Back: With that, we went to letting each child individually pick what restaurant they would want to eat at.

SERIOUSLY.

There was times we went to three different restaurants. They thought that was the coolest thing. Sometimes they would get drinks from one restaurant and meals from another. It was hilarious. Just seeing their faces light up because WHO DOES THAT? I think we was the only family on the planet at the time doing it. Well, maybe not. 🤣

I was so PROUD of Myself for having and enduring ALL of my childhood experiences. To the point it made me more sensitive in wanting my children to Learn how to Master Harmonizing with THEIR SIBLINGS; at their earliest possible stages in growing up as a child.

BUT SOMETHING WAS MISSING.

THEY WERE MORE HAPPIER THAN EVER. BUT NOT ME.

I wasn’t getting the one on one time with each of my children; that I wanted and needed for each of them. PLUS for us to individually experience. I was so busy making and helping my children have a more enriching childhood experiences together, I neglected myself.

SO😊O😊O😊O😊

You have to admit that was cute and very unique!. We was a Family of Four, so I included four smiley faces. lol

I modified each of the weekdays to include 15 minute one on one times with each of my children. Yup, that put a dent into their choosing what we did for family playtime. And they showed a tad of resistance upfront. But I insisted.

The clock was running out, on the time I had to be able to connect with them as children. They were fast approaching the double digits that ended in “TEEN.” Our Time was moving a lot faster now, with the children mastering how to harmonize with each other.

SO I DID it FOR ME and FOR EACH Of THEM.

MONDAY CAME: I made sure we did our one on one time – after our family playtime. So that they would be at least keeping the routine they were getting comfortable using by now. I started with my first daughter. We would always do one on one time at the dining room table. It was in the middle of the apartment layout, so I could keep better eye on what’s going on around me. We would play games like cards, dominos, checkers, etc. Or just, let my child talk about their day. Etc.

Occasionally, One of the other children would come over and try to get my attention, At times they would really worked at distracting me.

I SAID NO. THIS IS YOUR SISTER’S ONE ON ONE TIME. YOURS IS NEXT.

They were shocked at first, because they were always used to seeing me harmonizing them as a family. At first I was second guessing myself, like am I wrecking what we worked so hard to get the family too? Then taking a deep breath after saying that in a serious tone, I said – This is me and your sisters time. You are next.

Once they got use to the one on one time with me, they got addicted to that as well. They all had learned to respect each other’s time with me. I was well now, convinced this was another good decision in strengthening our enriching family moments.

Year after year keeping the consistency; made raising my three children by myself, a whole lot easier. They were enjoying the enriching family experiences like no other. I have ZERO Regrets in taking the time to helping my children learn how to master living harmoniously with their siblings.

UPDATES: Now my children are in their early 40s and late 30s. Seeing them spending quality time with their families and each other is PRICELESS. If I had to be a Single Parent Father All Over Again. I would do it ALL over AGAIN WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE. PERIOD.

AND AN EXTRA EXTRA SPECIAL UPDATE: It was even more humbling, surreal and satisfying to hear each one of them call me up, to tell me – THANK YOU TONS FOR BEING THE DAD YOU WAS TO ME/US. I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU DID ALL BY YOURSELF. This was when they were starting to have children and realizing how much time it really takes to raising children.

I’m honestly crying right now, while writing this to you. So that it can inspire you to be a better parent. And Regardless of what you see and feel We Will Make Having Families Great Again! BUT this time with our Spouses versus doing it alone. TOO Give Our Children the Experience of Seeing their Mother and Father Harmonizing together in Raising Them with Their Siblings.

It was priceless in being a single parent; to have the opportunity to discover in the process, of what it takes to getting back into Having Healthy Enriching Families Once Again with Our Spouses of a LIFE TIME!