DeadBeatDad
DeadBeatDad
No matter how much we warn our child in their younger years, our child is convinced their dad is a good dad. They haven’t experienced the behind the scenes mental and physical abuse that their dad has done. Our child has only seen the surface good side of dad. Unless somehow out of the blue pissed off their dad. Then dad shows his true colors, but ends the show of impatience with blaming our child. The child believes and takes it personal.
It’s a Never Ending Loop.
The child is unaware that they too over time are justifiably slowly accepting the mental abuse.
Now seeing this play out over three generations,
I’ve discovered a key that will help our children over in the long run of their lives versus crash and burn strategies.
This key will guide them in every relationship they pursue.
We start them out as early as we can.
If we missed the toddler years and now into the serious teenager mode. Either way, it will work.
THE CORE KEY IS TWO WAY RELATIONSHIPS.
Is the relationship two way? Yup.
Is the other person putting in the effort and time to making the relationship two way? On their own. Sincerely from the heart? Versus trying to buy the relationship with “things.”
Are they contributing to the conversation in a deep way? Are they taking the conversation deeper with you?
Or are they trying to ditch the conversation? with that’s not true… I need to leave to do “blah blah”
If it now becomes obvious there is no two way relationship then relax. Now you know not to get hung up on why dad doesn’t want to connect with me in a real way. Just keep everything surface level and there will be less drama.
OK. NOW WE UNDERSTAND THE KEY TO TWO WAY RELATIONSHIPS.
If our child is young then we got alot of time to go in baby steps. Whenever we have time and our child brings up a subject they want to talk about, then we take it deeper with them. TIP: Let them be in the driver seat in the conversation. We are training them to know what it feels like in having a two way conversation and relationship.
If our child is now in serious teenage mode. We do the same. BUT time is of the essence and we need to be more sensitive. We cancel what we were going to do and listen with our whole heart. We go as deep as they want but their in the driver seat. TIP TIME: If they seem to be stalling out, make a summary of what they are saying and repeat it to them. So they know you are sincerely listening to them. NOTE: We don’t have to do this with our toddlers. But as they get 8-11 years old, we do as a soft intro to prep them for their serious teenage mode.
Now once we’ve done this enough times with our teenager,
where our teenager enjoys having two way conversations at a deep level together. We point out to them, this is what a real two way relationship is. So when your out in the world wanting to make friends and or a relationship with someone. You will be able to know upfront if the friendship/relationship a good one to continue at a deeper level.
PLUS ANOTHER KICKER.
Test to see if your teenager will engage with you to take your conversation deeper with you. If not, then you can point out, “Why don’t you want to take my conversation deeper? I did it with them ‘x” times. It’s only fair. This will get them to see they weren’t really having a two way conversation with you. It was a ONE-SIDED Two Way Conversation. Yup. 😊
Now We’ve Given Our Children a GOLDEN Tool that will be with them for the rest of their lives. They will know upfront what type of relationship their in with their dead beat dad, any of their friends and when their ready for a spouse. If they know it’s one way then they’ll save a ton of drama time – keep it light and move on. If they know it’s two way then they’ll know without a shadow of doubt it’s heart to heart and will be life long. Drama free as well.
Enjoy!
Until Then OV – SEE MORE LIVE MORE!!
PS: This was one of my dad’s blunt face up to it, 103 Survival Tips he mentioned in his book. His Tip 35: If Your Spouse Wants to Leave Let them. You’ll find out How Much They Really Love You… Son (aka me): This is dad’s Quick Litmus Test to see if he was really in a two way relationship with my mom. This was Old School at it’s Finest. LOL. His book My Hell and Back 103 Survival Tips.
If want a copy CLICK HERE.
